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Political Humor Version 1.0 May 28, 2012

Below mentioned points here are a comical and humorous side of politics and happenings in “The Islamic Republic of Pakistan”. It’s a weekly compilation hope you all enjoy. So lets begin !!!

  • Dr. Fehmida Mirza, wife of the “Maula Jutt” of PPP has dismissed the bids and references to disqualify PM Gillani. After all she is bound to obey to her party; sorry I mean the constitution and the parliament. While this decision was out PM Gilani quoted this epic catastrophe as the victory for democracy and for the first time in history of Pakistan democracy has won. Really, first time?  He celebrated this verdict with a large bottle of champagne and squirted it all over the parliament in MotoGP style. And off course Chaudry nisar was found whining about the verdict and declared that he would delete the Speaker from his FB Friend list.
  • Meanwhile Dr. Shakeel Afridi has been sentenced for 33 years in jail for treason and conspiracy against the state. He was convicted and found guilty under the tribal justice system. A remarkable dazzling conclusion and an obvious message to the whole nation that we are here to aid and preserve terrorists not to reveal their identity. After all they are fighting for Islam and 72 virgins.
  • On Wednesday the Shareef-ist of all, Nawaz Shareef cracked some jokes among the spectators in Attock. He said we have no hand in making this Govt. and Zardari as President. Yeah sure! He added further that none among the current govt. is sincere. Spot on! He also pleaded to vote him again and bring him in power so he can distribute the remaining laptops and secure the future of youth.
  • “Mohajir Sooba” is the word trending these days not only on the internet but also on the walls of Karachi. Wall-chalking are found on many places and even near the GHQ of Karachi – Azizabad -90. But eccentrically, MQM the largest political party of Karachi have no clue about it and who did it. They also completely disowned this movement but they are in favor of it. Hmmm strange!!!!
  • After receiving thousands of entries from across the country, countless participants, many gala rounds, duet rounds and solo performances, Chaudry Nisar of PMLN has finally selected 3 names for CEC and rejected all 3 names proposed by PPP. Following to this success an independent election commission would be formed and PPP would be re-elected again but on merit this time.
  • Recently, PTI is in the process of organizing a party meeting, which would suggest a committee, which would form a body, that will form a panel of law officials and then lastly they will find a lawyer and file a constitutional petition against PM Gillani for illegally holding the office. A civilized and sober approach to handle things quickly.
  • FBR has seized all bank accounts of Mobilink, because they haven’t paid the taxes which they have collected from customers and never submitted to the relevant national account. Mobilink officials have explained their firm is in deficit as they had to pay large amounts to Misbah-ul-haq and the rest for advertisements. Further adding, that the remaining amount in utilized on female call center agents who entertain and engage the nation while they complain. And lastly they authoritatively added that “Ye tax apna hai …. Jesay Jazz apna hai.”
  • PCB has to host the Australians for limited over series but ironically they can’t find any international venues where they can be treated as guests and then host the Kangaroos. Am confused.
  • Cavemen Rana Naveed eyes for one more chance in the Pakistani team so that he can prove that exceptional and extinct creatures can still perform although they don’t come these days in the world of China.
  • On the other hand veteran Muhammad Yousuf has categorically stated that the car which has been driven more, is likely to get damaged and repaired. My vintage car is still half-a-new and running like Ferrari.

That’s all folks from this week. All the analysis is in line with pure humor and not to be taken seriously.


Deal well done. May 23, 2012

Filed under: General — Shoaib @ 6:25 am

My eyes could not believe that we the third world dishonored and disgraced country were the center of discussion in the current Chicago summit. Almost 50 countries are relying and depending on our decision.  Our yes or no will decide the fortune of the WOT in the coming days. Although, we can only say is YES.

That’s the recent activity going on. President Zardari also known as the best man to negotiate and settle the deal has been sent to the conference after countless requests to attend the summit. The core issues that have to be settled are Drones, Apology from US, reopening of the NATO Supply route and most important of all “Dollars – the foreign aid” we would get after advertising and selling our remaining pride, respect and honor. I am sure President would certainly not disappoint us this important matter.

On the other hand we the Pakistanis are so excited to have the Turk Prime Minister. Long live Turk-Pakistan friendship and may they prosper ever after and blah blah blah. But, why is the Turk PM in Pakistan suddenly on such a short notice? I am sure he is not here for sightseeing or the mango season. Although there was a dinner announced later that evening by PM Gillani in honor of the Turkish PM, which was boycotted by the friendly opposition.  Apparently the opposition’s protest was at the moment that why “Murgh Choola” and “Paaye” are not included on the menu being the national cuisine of Pakistan.

Now due to the current circumstances the American Congress has decided to stop all the funds and defense coalition with Pakistan as a good gesture of their kind rebuttal. NATO has recommended in the summit to Pakistan to open the supply routes and get back on track. But I believe it’s more of an order to open up the supply routes or else!!! Get ready for the surprise gift.

Cutting the facts out this is what seems to be the picture, the friendly opposition is persistent that US apologizes for the Salalah Attack & NATO supply should not be opened. They are acting like brats and not pay attention to their immediate guardians a.k.a. PPP. Therefore their foster parents decided that the Turk PM should address the parliament floor and make them realize that they have grown up and to show some flexibility and matureness in these issues. Turk PM would negotiate with the Opposition. On the flip side President Zardari would be cutting the deal pretty efficiently.

And it seems this is what would happen. The NATO supply route would open soon and they would agree on the transit fees per container going through our route. Zardari has demanded $5000 from the current $250, which am sure would be settled somewhere in the middle. He is good at negotiating, kudos for that. The apology from US would never arrive. Drones would get stopped for some time as the elections are near and sooner the technology would be owned by Pakistan itself, hence then it would be acceptable. The foreign aids would begin coming in again with more interest rates, cut backs and harsh conditions to inflate. And the Turkish babysitter would look after the spoiled opposition. Case dismissed, Long live Pakistan.


A Probable Solution for Karachi May 5, 2012

Filed under: General — Shoaib @ 9:00 am

ImageKarachi – the city of lights, a place where many dwell their imaginations and dreams. The beauty of this city has always been in its diversified cultural and ethnic colors. This city has offered to all more than its own potential and capacity. It has been more than 60 years and still people from our rural vicinity look up to this city to attempt their fortune in here. It’s a mini Pakistan, we find individuals from all groups, sects, ethnics, and religions in here. This city used to be mother of jobs providing opportunities and employments, knowing the fact that the immigrants (Mahajirs) who migrated at the time of independence were the settlers and deserved an edge. At the moment the city has almost one third population of Mahajirs, about one third of combined Pashtun and Sindhi and the remaining are mixed groups including Bengalis, Biharis, Christians and Hindus.

Meanwhile the population has been increasing without any check and balance. The continuously growing violence and timidity is denting the city very harshly. The ethnic war has reached at its uppermost stage and seems uncontainable. There are no signs of dawdling it down. The residents have found a way to safeguard their interest but not without hurting others welfare. They have become immune to violence and aggression that everyday killings is no more but a News slide for a minute. The land mafia culture is strongest in history. City has been divided into colonies by religious & political parties. Ammunition display is getting more and more common. While security forces aren’t delivering at all. Courts aren’t issuing verdicts. All these issues might lead to anarchy or massacre sooner or later.

Considering the whole dreadful situation here is a probable solution I suggest minimizing it:

  1. Karachi should also be declared as a Neutral Zone. No political activities or marketing campaigns should be allowed in it. No provincial or district seats should be allotted. This is a huge sacrifice we might need from all the political parties by choice or by force.
  2. Make Karachi a separate state/province. It would safeguard the interests of the locals at first and others as well. I am not being mean but yes the locals deserve the first preference as the whole country has quota systems and domicile culture. We have to think in the favor of the nation.
  3. Give them their own government structure, security and administration, which have to be decided upon qualification and merit.
  4. City governance should be institutionalized and entrepreneurs & business bureaucrats must be made stake holders.
  5. An intercity work permit should be assigned to all the employees in every sector to keep check and balance.
  6. A limited time visa should be allocated to all those migrants entering the city, to keep check on security issues.
  7. Even in the city an industrial free zone should be made to keep things aligned with special security and incentives.
  8. Special Forces should be designated around the city. This job can easily be done by our local police, prior to their commitment and sincerity.
  9. Special Judicial courts should be established to deliver the verdict as soon as possible.
  10. There should be no concept of Jails, individuals should be punished the moment they are found guilty and then released.

I propose these harsh measures not because am a local of this city but by analyzing the constant deteriorating situation of Karachi for last few years. I know there are more issues to be dealt with such as education, corruption, and inflation etc. But I assure that all of them will fall in line with the implementation of these points.

Karachi has always been the industrial hub and the economic wheel of Pakistan. Its security is important for the interest of nation and such a sacrifice can be made in order to maintain peace and tranquility in this city. The concept of modern city is similar to it, away from politics and
corruption. I personally believe that making a single city Karachi Politics free; would not affect the country’s political dynamics. For Political parties who claim to be so much worried about this city, it should not be difficult for them to comprehend a viable solution. After all, the government is framed not from Karachi but from the coalition and alliance in the center. This can be implemented on temporary basis let’s say 5 years or so, but we have to keep in mind that the Karachi is the heart of Pakistan and we have to maintain its functionality without any hindrance or obstacle.


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